Heres an Interview with your father, but only if your mothers a milf.

As I don’t trust anyone to tell the epic story of struggle strife and tribulation, I decided that I would interview myself. An inventive and convenient way of getting round the age old problems of mental retardation in the ET and general xfire community, a lack of columnists, journalist and the good oldl general do gooders, and d on’t pretend you know which you are.

Hey Herbal, thanks for joining us here, in this wonderful refurbish Starbucks from the simply breath taking Canary Wharf shopping plaza. Without further ado I guess we should get down the nitty gritty, and kick this interview off with a line that has always stuck with me ever since I first chanced across and episode of friends. How you doing?

I’m no to bad, not to bad at all. Actually im pretty good, just chilling with white café mocha watching the world go by, and all the ladies, all the lovely ladies in there tight tight suits. My boss is ill, which my explain how im able to interview myself while at work. Feeling a little cold, but won’t doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

Good to hear it. Well I guess we should get down to “Serious Business” of the Interwebs. How do you start gaming, and more precisely how did you get into ET.

Aaah, this bring back memories, I guess my my first dive into the the murky and sometimes dark world of gaming happened in the winter of 95 spring of 96. Now for some of the younger members of xfire, who weren’t around to savour the mid nineties (95% of you) play station had hit the shelves just in time for the mad Christmas rush. With all the hype surrounding play station, , mostly cause by those crafty japs had been beating shit up and flying crazy ninja robots around for a year, mean while the yanks had decided that there white Christmas would no longer be about playing hockey and American Soccer after Christmas dinner, but would rather be all about pooning there family on the playstation, there was a real demand for the limited Supply of play stations being imported in the UK and Europe. Now kids this was before the time of ebay and youswap or what ever new funky and kooky sites you use today. If you wanted a American of Japanese imported and chipped box, you had to go down the local seedy market and find the guy willing or more precisely able to import one for you. But that’s another story for another day. Any ways these new fangled inventions were all the rage and were selling at 400£ a pop which is 573 euro at today current prices. I was only on 5£ a week and was to young to start selling drugs at the time wasn’t about to breezy into curry’s and get one. so I had to settle for pooning on someone else console. But poon I did, the console I pooned on was owned by a friend of the family, an eccentric Jamaican DJ who was kind enough to let me kick seven bells of shit out of everyone at wipeout, to be fair this was a his xmas party/new years party so heavy amount of alcohol and other substance had been consumed before they wondered into the room of pain and humiliation. They came from all walks of life, teachers, strippers( at least she looked like a stripper, shit if I was older, I would have been more interested in her than the game) DJs general layabouts etc etc and I caned them all like John Mclaine from the summers block buster hit Die hard: with a vengeance. Any ways I pooned on console until 2001/2002 when I got my first pc, I for the life of me cant remember the specs, I guess I had started drinking by then so no wonder I can’t remember. But what I do remember was the 512 kb down internet connection with a bollox contention ratio, the almighty bthomeworld connection. it had boldly kicked in my letter box and offered itself to me a discount like a street walker facing hard times., I duly hassled my parents ( I wasn’t going to pay for it myself, that’s precious beer money) I could until they finally caved and gave me the power of the internet, I dabbled in a few online games when I came across a game professing monster and Nazi’s, what more could I ask for. I duly installed and pooned the single player like it was the first pussy I ever fucked. Though I never really got into the clan scene in rtcw for a long while I have fond memories of pooning on market garden and papa tram only server. Then when et was released I duly moved to that.

Wow what and interesting and ultimately irrelevant story only furthering the already widely held belief that you actually have no place in society and that we should cast you into the jungles of South America and leave you there to die or otherwise. But moving on tell us about your clan history.

Aaah clan gaming. I wonder who termed the phrase “clan”. So ritualistic, sounds as if were Indians or white supremacists. Anyways I guess my first clan would have been RFA, I forget what the letters meant, but I know what they stood for, friends, honour, all that good stuff. A really bunch of genuinely nice guys and gals, I guess this is where I pickup my belief that gaming should always have at its core and it essence a belief in what I guess you could call fair play, that winning is not everything. I guess its like life, it’s not the destination but the journey. Shout out to all the rfa/rvc guys though we had our differences I still consider you a great bunch and I look back in my time there fondly. I then searched in vain for clan, not really committing to anything. Had some fun times in uds.et and vd. Then I ended up in a team call Signum the greatest team ever. We raged the everyone, not literally but at least that’s what I will tell my grandkids anyways. Another great bunch of guys, from the electrician who lived on a Danish island JH, or the possibly the campest person I have ever had the pleasure of mocking on coms legacy, coffinfedder the most stereotypical German ever. To rimi who like to down load in kilo a second. And there’s, well im not sure how to describe knight, lets just say he did a lot to change the opinions I have of American. Tosspot and Salvor bring in some UK connection and of course doc holiday, possibly the coolest guy in ET, and by coolest I mean ok, and by ok I mean id rather staple my eye lids to this test, and by that I mean Id rather take a nail gun and fire it up my arse than have a conversation with him. Once again I had found a clan with a a mantra that I could get along with the core. Then sadly signum came to be no more and again I began the search for a new clan. Random team after random team (sorry if you’re a random team), till finally came to the conclusion that there was no long a team for me out there, and I learned not only a lesson for gaming but for life , when you find on to a team you like, hold on it or a bitch cause there also hard to find, specially the ones that arnt annoying, and by annoying, I mean fill your head with thought of sucidal teddy bears and exploding make up or maybe just a car crash. Then came gib another friendly clan, everyone was cool, and when we met up at shg we certainly had a good time. Anyways the closest thing you could call a clan that im in now is Weekendmix, full of gypsy eating poltards and lessons for life. Weekendmix is easily the best mix team there ever was, is or ever will be, and anyone who contests that is gay to the power of a 1000000.

So I take it your no long in active competitive gaming.

Well I don’t play in any leagues or what not, but other than cdc there isn’t much to play for. Clanbase, warleagues/rtcw.no, esl and a host of other cups and leagues have done wonderful job and great things for ET. A game with very little commercial value has proven to itself and the wider gaming world, that it is the little game that could. I have a great respect for anyone willing to put the time in to organise such events, though I may disagree with there methods and choice.

Where do you see for the future of ET

Well, I would never be foolish to say ET is dead, or Dying, but I would say its evolving, I personally find the game through no fault of its own has become taxing and worn out. the constant concerns if your playing a hacker or the next maus, the repetitive maps etc have sadly meant that et and me have come to the end of our long and historic association. I feel this is a feeling mirrored by many I know, but for et I see no end. Its agreeable one of the best freeware releases ever. And it wouldn’t surprise me if it has a future in the developing world. Or that die hards will never let this game die. I certainly think some new faces need to take the place of the old guard and maybe freshen things up, But I definitely think ET will be around for a lot longer. Some things get better with age.

You have attended a few lans, any outstanding moments ?

Any outstanding moments? Hmm, all of them, but those that spring to mind you couldn’t make up. My first LAN was shg, and that was pretty amazing, from them pocket rocket beers that chapter had to the best burger I have ever eaten (thanks mrs Chapter) the generosity of Mummra wife, or the crazy night out on the town with darky potter rapture cash crow and doc, crow you still owe me a rematch at pool. Denmark is a wonderful place if a tad expensive, I would love to head back there at some point and bang some blonde tall birds etc.

cdc2 was new ground with an old flavour. Meet people again and for the first time was really cool. The excellent concept and organisation for this event must got cash, tosspot and the rest of the crew, though I don’t know who your are. It was certainly a landmark for crossfire and myself., personally it was my first time to Holland so you know when in Rome smoke the reefa, or how ever that saying goes. It was really nice to meet everyone such as ronner, maverick, hnkn, crazy revers, sol again etc etc etc.

Cdc3 was more the same, though everyone who went to cpc2 couldn’t make it, there were plenty of new people to meet. I will particularly remember my trip to Amsterdam with two Estonians and even more so the trip back. Broken broken broken lol. I won’t go into that story, but once again a really well run tournament and it was great to see such a large turnout.

What are your plans, gaming wise?

Well first i am going to go and set up a new mgc with full sponsorship for lots of games, so anyone looking for sponsorship please message my right hand man ^mAx @ quakenet with any and all queries. Then I figure ill move to cod4 merely because etqw was such a pile of steaming disappointment. I think that not only the rtcw and ET players have been disappointed but also quake players, using such a name to increase sales, when it would have been better to create a new stand alone franchise, and instead the only winners seem to be battlefield players. But to be fair I am judging a book by it cover, and though sometimes you shouldn’t, sometimes it is what it appears. I hope that cod4 isn’t another steaming pile of disappointment. I am also planning to attend cdc4 and some dirty polish lan as well. Mostly cause I want to see a real life gypsy and maybe kick it or make ham out of it.